If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize