He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
