even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
