I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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