don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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