On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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