somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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