she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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