I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
