My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
