I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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