my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Plan B is the new Plan A
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
