it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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