For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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