she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
