DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
