i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
