I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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