I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
