Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was confusing and full of hummus
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
