God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just forgot I was standing up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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