we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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