You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
