Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
