I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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