Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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