I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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