thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
