oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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