Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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