last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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