He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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