Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
