now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
