I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and she was petting her beer can
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
