I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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