i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
