She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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