someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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