Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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