tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize