we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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