I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
