do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
