somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
