I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
