Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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