You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
