I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
