Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
tell me about the eggs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
