so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
