I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
