I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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