Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
