a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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