And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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