You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
