We're like a lot better than the average bears
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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