he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
