bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
