i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
