Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
