just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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