listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize